Leave and Cleave: Time To End The Show

So I heard something that made me laugh myself to sleep last night. LITERALLY. A newlywed bride, said

"After three weeks of marriage it's been so hard, he is always there. I'm used to my own space, you know. Can someone tell me what to do? This is just hard."

I'm sorry I couldn't stop laughing. The groom on the other hand was describing it at three of the most blissful weeks in his life. I wondered

Are they living together?

I remember when I heard that the couple was getting hitched. I shook my head. He had some Little House on the Prairie, 1943 wife attend to my needs and mother me kind of views of marriage. She seemed flighty and childish. BUT.....

She had the the external properties that I had always heard him describe in a woman. He's a "rump" man and she's got one. Then she has that complexion that he's always described as nice. Whatever that means.

What was super funny to me is that before they got married SHE was the one that was always with the PDA and like a Siamese twin. I remember he got offended once when I asked if she had low iron. Hinting that she was obviously cold all the time and needed to be right under his arm. 

After three weeks, she's calling it hard. I could only laugh

I want to get married eventually but I'm seeing way to many people that are getting married like it's part of a Things To Do list.

• Education
• Job
• Marriage ✓

I just hope after three weeks I'm still in wedded BLISS.

The Quest To Be A Preacher's Wife

I admire women that can be preacher's wives. Bless your beautiful hearts. I remember an acquaintance told me that in a dream she saw that she was going to be the psalmist that prepared the church for her husband's preached word. Every guy she dated no matter how out of character he was she felt he would be that preacher even if she had to make him into that.

It takes a special kind of person to want to be a Pastor's wife. It's not the most rewarding job in the world. People take you for granted, they disregard your feelings and they act as if you should walk on egg shell around them. I'm not the coddling kind so I may not be the best candidate for the job. After being raised by small town preachers and inadvertently being exposed, for lack of a better term, to people and their issues. Ladies, you can have at it.

What amuses me though is the quest to become the Preacher's wife. For some it's just as highly sought as a college education. I've seen people push and pull, conspire and collaborate schemes to just capture the eye of even those deemed prospective pastors. I've seen women position themselves in church in an effort to make themselves appear more spiritual and I wonder if it's really worth it. I think it's sad really.

I think most of them see it as more of a status symbol than a calling. To be a preacher's wife requires a fortitude that doesn't come easy. It's an internal strength. Not to be taken lightly.

Some of them want to travel the world ..... Flight Attendants also travel the world.
Some of them want to dress up and profile .... Models also dress up and profile
Some of them want to be on the arm of a powerful man.... All arm candy get that "privilege"

Some of them want to sit in the front row... Honey the people in the back row have a better view.

Now isn't that special....

I'm Free

I've been in church all my life and I have yet to understand church people. Some of them are so focused on sending people to hell that I wonder if THEY'LL make it into heaven. In my church life I've met and known the most judgmental people on the planet and they do it in the name of Christianity. This is not to say that regular people aren't judgmental, but in trying to win souls for Christ are we doing more harm than good?

So much of what we burn people with, is based on doctrine and personal issues rather than the Word of God. I've seen people destroy loved ones, friends, people in general with their personal beliefs. The older I got and more in touch with my faith I got. And if a person decided to have a glass of wine with their meal it no longer bothered me. And it had less to do with Paul's "for the stomach sake" reference and more to do with the fact that if you teach the truth, the Bible itself says,

"Then said Jesus to those Jews which believed on him, If ye continue in my word, then are ye my disciples indeed; And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free." 

Therefore for the first time in my life, I'm free from people's opinions, I'm free from wondering if I'm good enough to make it into their version of heaven. I am free to worship.

Anyone want to join me in living FREE?

I am free to live life abundantly like Jesus said he came to give me.

ME? Marry A Pastor?

Years ago a lady came to our church and prophesied to my mother that I, YES I, would marry a Pastor. I fell to my knees and cried that day. After they managed to scrape me from the floor, my ear was filled with congratulations. I thought to myself are these people insane. Why would you congratulate me this was NOT good news. I swear now that I retell it, I find it hilarious. I was comforted a few weeks later by another visiting preacher who said, "God's spoken word can change, look at Hezekiah." I breathed a sigh of relief.

I sighed because, I really didn't think the just God that I had heard about all my life would be that sadistic and subject me to more church people. No, he's far too merciful for that. He loves me right? I know God has a since of humor, but come on. I hope you notice I'm trying to convince myself.

Most PK's would probably be fine with continuing the legacy of the Levitical ministry. I've said it once, I'll say it again. "Nope, I'm Good" (smiles)

I think about the many persons that people tried to set me up with their good minister friends or the guys that preached at their church. I smile at the offer and conveniently lose their number. We once had a interning Youth Pastor at our church that announced in a Bible study that the Lord had spoken to him and told him that he was gonna marry the Pastor's daughter. I looked at him and had to literally hold myself from laughing. He obviously meant some other church, some other pastor, some other daughter, because he didn't mean me.

At 24, this young man was a couple years younger than me, had previously been divorced, and couldn't keep up with me if I'd given him a road map and a head start.  Add to it, that he said he couldn't bring himself to sit at a table and eat.

Wait, What?

I'm the definition of a socialite. I've always been that way. The party begins and ends with me. Jesus would be proud. People call me after I don't attend events and ask me why I didn't show up. I love to cook and love catering personal functions. Obviously, this man was delusional. I'm sure he'd gotten his wires crossed on that one.

PK relationships are difficult. We live in the limelight so anyone that attaches themselves to us must carry that same responsibility. It's hard to make a decision based who you would want to spend the rest of your life with based on that idea alone.

Even though they say God can surprise you, I strongly doubt me marrying a pastor is the one he had in mind.

I remember my boyfriend had some sexual status on his Facebook page, and not only did my mother comment under it, but she came at me like I'd written it. 

Liz, PK for 6 yrs, Toronto

I feel her pain!!

Pimps In the Pulpit: Don't Get It Twisted

Pimps put themselves in a position to gain...it is not always sex or money. 

Most times people assume that the pimp's plan is get more money. The pimp's desire is power. It begins and ends with that one ideal. There was a hit song in the nineties called "Money, Power, Respect". While I don't fault people for wanting any of those things, I do take issue with blatant don't care abuse of power to achieve any or all of the three.

Enter the church pimp.

Now here is where I have to say it's not restricted to the pulpit. There are many pew pimps too. Remember what I said in another post about pulpit pimps, the hustler (pimp) doesn't restrict himself/herself to one title or position, all they see is the goal and will use manipulation to achieve it. The reason they're flashy is because they need to be seen in order to get the attention of those that they seek to coerce.

Many times people just see the exterior and assume that they've found the culprits. They assume the "clothes make the man" a pimp. Or the car he drives makes him one. Often times I hear people talking about how Pastors have these flashy cars and these mansions and that is what they attribute to pimpism (my word) but let's remember the root of the pimp.

Control.

I know personally of a Pastor, who had a car dealership owner in his congregation. Every ear without fail the dealership owner would give the Pastor the newest model on the car lot, despite much protesting from the Pastor. Those unfamiliar with the dynamics of the car dealer's insistence would have said that the Pastor was flashy and accuse him of some misdeeds. This Pastor protested with no avail and was the most humble man I've ever known. So it isn't about the exterior, it's about the character of the individual.

Before you look and accuse EVERY pastor of being a pimp, look act the actions and the personality. Believe me they're more obvious than you think. Control Freaks can't hide too long. When they lose control the get abusive.

What did we learn today?

PIMPS need control

Pimps In the Pulpit: How You Doing Pimpin'?

I have a former acquaintance that qualifies as a Pulpit Pimp. He is a master manipulator. He has always aspired to be on the pulpit. He once confessed to me that if he was to leave his pulpit, he'd sell insurance  (that sounds like a hustler) or go into law enforcement (gotta keep that pimp hand strong).

When I met this man. I looked up to him. He was a mover. And I thought he was an okay guy. The closer and longer I worked with him, the more I began to realize that he was a pimp.

I began to notice that he always pushed work onto other people saying that he was giving them a chance to shine when he was quite willing to receive the credit. We'd have meetings and he would come after the setting up, always making sure everything was "just right" for him. When things didn't go as planned he had no exit strategy because he was never part of the initial plan.

He was big on flash. Things had to have a certain look even though he wasn't financially able to maintain that look. He always had someone taking care of him. And always made it seem like he was helpless in order to have more people see to his needs. It was a something for nothing attitude that most pimps have.

Then there were his sweet words.I noticed that he had an answer for everything. Caught him in one or two lies, but he was good at worming out of situations. He also had a way about telling you what he thought you wanted to hear. If he felt that telling you something flattering would keep him in good standing he said it.

Then with women he played them well. He played up their enhancements, qualities, and insecurities. He encouraged at cost. If he wanted you to be his prayer worker. He made it seem like the only person that prayed better than you was Jesus himself. Come to think of it, he did that with everyone. Unfortunately as most found out after you had served his purpose or someone better came along, you were pushed aside or he moved on to his next great hustle. And you are left to pick up the pieces.

So what have we learned?

The Pimp knows how to work people...

Until next time.

Pimps In The Pulpit

Where do I begin?

Just kidding, I know where I want to start. I've long wondered if I was the only person that can see the problem of manipulation in the church. That was until I read that post about a radio show highlighting Pulpit Pimps. And the responses made me want to expand on what I think is the issue. The original question

My topic of next weeks show is pimp in the pulpit.. what is the characteristics of a pimp in the pulpit...

First let me tell you what my response was on the original thread.

A pimp (male or female) is simply a hustler. They are the master manipulators, those that know the right thing to say and when to say it. They are the users. Less concerned with your edification and more concerned with their elevation. They always want more without having to do much more than what they're doing now. And will achieve it by any means necessary. They have the ability to learn and adapt as needed. 

When it translates to the church setting we can see how dangerous it can be/ become.

Agreed?

A lot of people think that pimping is about sexuality. Nope. Pimping is about control. The method of control is just of a sexual nature. When you find someone with a pimp's nature that has the ear of a significant amount of people you with end up with a whole lot of hurt people. Enter your pulpit pimps.

One of the biggest falsehoods that I find people considering about the pulpit pimp is that they're going all to be flashy. That may be true, but that's external. I think most pulpit pimps have internal self esteem issues. They need to be in control. I think they also have anger issues. If they can't have the control they will retaliate.

There are more pulpit pimps than we'd like to admit to and this week I'm gonna show you how to recognize them.

Isaiah 56:11
King James Version (KJV) 

Yea, they are greedy dogs which can never have enough, and they are shepherds that cannot understand: they all look to their own way, every one for his gain, from his quarter.

The Story Will Be Told

A number of people have contacted me about how this story, OUR STORY, has changed their lives. And why I've stopped writing. Actually I haven't stopped writing our story but am in transition (overused church word). I have great news. Okay look at the picture. What do you see?

OUR STORY!!! 

I'm grateful for the opportunity to tell our version of events. Everyone has a story and it's time someone told ours.

There is so much going on. Above is the first cover edit. But we're getting it done.

In the following weeks I'll be updating you my faithful readers on where we are and how you can get a copy. So stay tuned and be blessed.

A Friend That Sticks Closer

Growing up, I had two friends. My brother and my sister. My sister and I were close, but because my brother and I were closer in age, we were closer. My brother is also musical, so we always shared that bond. But no matter what happens in our lives we've always had each other. I always tell people that family is important to me. I don't care how angry they make me, they are my heart and I'll do whatever I can to make them happy. Even if it means I go without. Yeah it's that serious.

I also have many acquaintances. It comes with the territory. I'm a PK. The whole church thinks you want to be friends with them. Not so much.

Truth is, if you're anything like I was growing up, I just wanted to get out of church and go home. I didn't want to talk with Sister Susie's daughter who's starting the same school in the fall. I didn't care to hear. I have just always wanted a real friend.

And the funny thing is...

I never found one.

Prequel: Pimps in the Pulpit

I was reading my Facebook timeline and came across a post that intrigued me

my topic for the show next week is PIMP IN THE PULPIT..what is the characteristics of a pimp in the pulpit...let me hear from you

I read through the responses and couldn't help putting my two cents in because I'm a Preacher's Kid, I know about pimps in the pulpit. It's an interesting phenomenon but it does exist. I told my mother the other day that the scripture that talks about those that will say to God "I preached in your name" makes sense now. It didn't when I was growing up.

Next week I've decided to dedicate the writings to the Church Pimp. I know you know a few of them but let's talk about them. Stay in touch for next week's story of ...

Failing Christianity

Before I begin allow me to make a grave disclaimer. The following arguments are of a personal nature. Everyone has an opinion, and everyone’s opinion though you may not feel valid at the time, has legitimacy. You may consider this to be one of those times. You may not agree, but it doesn't make any of it less true.

I was raised devout Pentecostal. As anyone familiar with old time religiosity would know, the Pentecostal Christian knew of Jesus and Church anything outside of those boundaries is considered Unchristian and hell bound. Now that I’m “all grown up” and well, reflective I have begun to wonder what took me so long to address something that has plagued me from my early teens. If I’m to abide in this “Christianity” that allows for a complete absence of living, I refuse to live that.

You see Christianity has failed and I have failed it.

I was talking to woman one day that doesn't wear earrings because even in this modern society, she has been taught that if she looks somewhat attractive she’d make Jesus angry. Yes, it almost would be laughable if it wasn't so sad. She attends one of those churches that preach the about the dangers of vanity and riches. So for the most part most of the people are poor, uneducated and beaten down so much that they don’t have spiritual strength to fight themselves out of a head cold; much less perform any of the “greater works” they read of in their Bibles.

When I look at these lemon-faced, unfulfilled people I wonder how they’ll manage in the indulgent heaven they that their current lifestyle provides fettered access to. Did I mention that many of them could use a toe head to “extreme makeover”?

It’s interesting how we in Western society, hold a duplicitous yardstick to our Eastern Hemisphere neighbors, denouncing many of them for their strict rules on religion. When for the most part, my take on what we have come to know as Christianity is the belief that by living an enjoyable life in any way you have ultimately entered an unstoppable spiral into hell. The same Eastern religions have a closer “connection” to their religion and the god of their choice and are enjoying the life that they've chosen.

I don’t swear. Really, I don’t. Not because of some religious rhetoric, because truth be told, the Christian world has yet to decide on what really constitutes a curse word. What qualified as a swear word as I was growing up is now a justifiable “slip of the tongue” or the simple excuse of “it’s in the Bible you want me to show you”. I don’t curse simply because I consider myself an intellectual and my vocabulary doesn't really allow for it. Don’t get me wrong, if someone deserves the labeling of a specific quadruped animal, and there is absolutely no other description; they get what they deserve. But my point is that Christianity even with its “clear cut” guidelines, has large pot holes.

So Christianity is failing. Don’t believe me. Do some research to find the growth of religion in let’s say the last decade. Find out which religions are growing by leaps and bounds and see how Christianity is lagging. Yet, like all other religions, mainstream Christianity claims to have a leg up on the competition. The argument is that “truth” will always have the most detractors and that it will prevail unscathed. I hate to believe that Christian elementalists really believe this, so I think it’s merely a smoke screen to distract from the real issues. Issue number one; Christianity is failing.

Contrary what some Eastern religions have considered a foundational benchmark; I have only one life. (Until someone can provide actual proof of the theory of reincarnation, it remains a theory in my mind.)

So, I personally think that I would have done both myself and my creator a disservice by not enjoying life. After all isn’t that what has been promised, abundant life? Then I think about this.

The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly. John 10:10

This Churchologist Christianity has done the opposite of what that scripture promotes. It produces failures of Christianity by stealing, killing and destroying life. A life that has been given for enjoyment has now become comatose and monotonous.

Ok, before you scream blasphemy; let’s not be misunderstood. I would never advocate the removal of the moral compass. There are some things that are just a common sense call. There are some things that are a fact of nature and shouldn't be done. There are some undeniable society no no’s. But when it’s all said and done the creation in homage to the creator must live the life that, if I remember correctly, encourages dominion over all things created. And with power comes enjoyment. God has final dominion over all things and with everything taught about the Godhead we are told that he enjoys the creation. I’m a God child. I believe in Christianity and the salvation of Jesus Christ to set a soul free, but I feel like this adopted Christianity has ultimately failed and I’m not solo in this.

We are all with our faults so I must confess that I have also failed Christianity. I have failed because every time I hear the “Electric Slide” or Chubby Checker’s “Twist” I’m going to dance. I get a failing grade at Christianity because whenever I’m invited to a party with a secular or a “church” friend; I’m going and I’ll leave feeling like I had a good time. I’ve failed because I think that R. Kelly, Usher Raymond, and Lauryn Hill are musical geniuses. My incomplete mark for a passing grade at Christianity will always exist simply because I love a broad shouldered man who although raised devout Catholic now flaunts the word “FREEDOM” etched across his lower back and I think “God, he’s beautiful”.

Because he too has failed Christianity, or maybe …..

LEAVE AND CLEAVE

I heard this song not to long ago. The song was perfect. No pun intended. I think I've said it before, music speaks to me LOUDLY. I can close my eyes and feel ease in the melody, rhythm and lyrics. I've come to think that being a PK has created a tolerant, nonjudgmental in me. I see people for who they are and not who created them to be. I remember talking to a young lady on the brink of divorce about her situation. My first words to her were, "I don't actually believe in divorce. I believe whom God has joined together....." I immediately saw her shut down. Her eyes and her head dipped low.

I smiled, then I continued, "But I also believe that there are couples that were never meant to be together in the bond of matrimony. In my mind they where never married to begin with. They had a ceremony, they had a rite of passage. They were never married. They just need the law to confirm that."

When the young woman heard me say I didn't believe in divorce, she once again felt trapped in a situation that needed resolution and absolution. But church didn't offer that. They gave her....

You need to stick it out.
There must have been something that made you get married to begin with.
You need to rekindle the flame
How is that gonna look?

I can't ever blanket situations. That's what my story has created. There are way too many variables in peoples lives. I can't condemn someone that has attempted suicide. As a matter of fact I understand them. There are times when the darkness feels stronger than the light. My heart goes out to teen moms, because someone failed them. And I can't tell someone don't get a divorce because their situation may just be beyond the stage of reconciliation, simply because they made a mistake.

So I come to "Leave and Cleave" and I wonder how many people left home to attach themselves to someone with all intentions of staying with that person forever and it just didn't work out.

You weren't ready
They weren't ready.

And now because of appearances you must CLEAVE.


Next
When Is It Time To LEAVE

Fake It Till You Make It

"....Some days I feel like ____, some days I wanna quit and just be normal for a bit....." Where'd You Go - Fort Minor

"Just tell them you are not interested in church or church work, that's all". I remember when I heard those words echo loudly through the ear piece of the phone. It ALMOST brought me to tears. Then I swallowed hard and said, "Well I'll tell him word for word what you said". I think I had had enough. I was over 21 and I didn't think that it was fair for someone to make me feel guilty for just needing to take a break.

I had almost finished with my book and still didn't have an introduction. They say the Lord works in mysterious ways. Somehow while I had a knot in my throat, he was working. I had found my introduction.

You ever do something so much that you begin to feel lost in it; like you just exist. It no longer excites you, where before you defended its very existence and reason, you begin to feel lethargic and like you're stuck in a rut?

Granted I still found worth in what I was doing. I was still quite "saved". Although I was beginning to have completely different views as to what that meant. But most of all I still loved Jesus and wanted to please him. I was just through with making everyone else happy at the expense of my personal happiness. I was done.

I don't think we value honesty in churchdom. After all we're the "Fake it, til you make" people.

Allow me to offer the truths that I felt:-

I honestly was tired
I honestly needed a break
I honestly didn't need someone telling me "You'll be fine"
I honestly wanted someone to hear me out
I honestly felt like running away
But maybe we don't want honesty......

So I guess I'll fake it.

The Baby Leaped In Her Womb

For the first time in a long time, I felt my baby move. And not just move; it was an actual kick. Any of you remember when you first realized that you were ”carrying” and can identify with every emotion that the territory comes with. There’s an unparalleled excitement. You want to share your good news with everyone, because you can’t imagine anyone not being as excited or happy as you. Sooner or later when everyone starts giving their advice on your baby, you begin to share less and keep your mind on your due date. But what happens when you don’t feel what you know is normal in your condition? You feel time has stopped, you’re overdue and your baby isn’t moving. Then you begin to worry about the fulfillment of what was conceived so long ago. You worry and you fear that there may be something wrong with your baby. And when a period of time passes and nothing happens your biggest fear is that your baby might be dead.

No, I’m not pregnant. But I’m still carrying a dream that I’ve long had. I didn’t want an aborted dream. But I was so afraid that that was happening.

At first I thought my dream was stillborn, but came to realize that there was a big difference between an aborted dream and a stillborn dream. If my dreams ended up being ”stillborn”, it was because there was nothing I could do about it. It was too much for me to carry or even handle. It just couldn’t sustain itself and it wasn’t ready for the outside world. A lot of people have stillborn dreams and I honestly thought that was my case. But it wasn’t so, my dreams were being aborted. And it was because either I or someone I’d given opportunity to had purposely and forcibly began to destroyed my dream.

I think what was happening was, I was willfully letting someone give me an abortion. It was someone that didn’t understand. They didn’t know or didn’t care how long I’d been wanting and longing for the manifestation of what I’d conceived. They weren’t there through the tears of conception, when I cried out ”I need more”. They weren’t there when I sat on the edge of a bed asking if there was something wrong with me. They didn’t know that I questioned my ability to conceive, let alone give birth. And gradually I allowed them to kill my baby.

From the time I conceived, I was excited. It took a while before I realized everyone didn’t understand my conception, nor did they share in my excitement. Maybe it’s because what people don’t understand they seek to discredit. I don’t know if it was merely anxiety, but even people that I expected support from, didn’t show any. I think that was why I partly forgot that there was something on the inside of me that needed nurturing for it to be healthy enough to grow and be born, free of defects and deficiencies.

I stopped feeding the dream. I stopped seeking advice on how to keep it alive and healthy. I had heard so much negativity about my conception and subsequent pregnancy. I had heard so much talk of ”what are the possibilities of you accomplishing that?” and ”Do you know how hard that is?” that they convinced me that my dream was too much of an undertaking. I began to think that I didn’t want my baby.

I continued month after month with a dying baby. I stopped even listening when encouragement came saying, ”You’re almost at your due date.” simply because I had fostered so much negativity. I began to tell my dream, ”you’re too much for me”, ”we’d both be better off if I let you go”. This is why I knew it wasn’t a stillborn. With the stillborn dream there comes a peace, because you’ve done all you can.

That aborted dream is the one that kills you, because YOU gave up, not the dream. As I lay back with an inexperienced, uneducated, misguided, back alley dream killer; inside me, a baby struggled to survive, because it wanted to live. And I felt a kick. See as I lay there, with my heart breaking because I didn’t want my dream to die. Someone came by and said to me,

”You are a unique woman, don’t be afraid because what you carry in you greater than you could ever imagine and will be born.” ”HOLD ON, Ali, HOLD ON!”

And my baby kicked!

That was a few days ago and it’s been kicking ever since.
Now every day, when get up, I rise with a completely different outlook and a burning to make this happen and see this to the end. I rise knowing that I’m just that much closer to my due date and I WILL DELIVER a healthy dream!

So maybe I’m saying this for you…. If you pay close attention, and stop ignoring it, you may feel your (dream) baby kick too!

Train Up The Child

I thought about that scripture recently. How many Christian parents do you really think believe that scripture? I think they believe "...and my God shall supply all my needs", they even believe "in all thy ways acknowledge him and he shall direct thy path", I'm sure they believe, "...that whosoever believes in him shall not perish, but have everlasting life".

So how about "Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he shall not depart from it." My translation: If you put God and God's values into your children, they will ALWAYS remember. I think it must have meant a lot for it to be said in the Old Testament and then illustrated in the New Testament. Say what you like but when I reflect on the story of the Prodigal, I get more than the typical tale of "runaway child". I see a story of redemption, a story of patience, a story of Godly training that was never forgotten.

You never forget lessons well taught. I look at Christian parents that have a such a fear that their children will end up "worldly" that they shelter them from EVERYTHING and I wonder if they themselves doubt the foundation that they've given their children.

I think this especially of PK's. After having been in church all their lives, having been taught the same lessons and principles day in and out that have been given to the congregation, why is it so hard to believe that as Scripture says, if you train them you don't have to worry about it. So did you teach the lessons? Did you give the children in your care over to the God that you believe in?

I look at the Old Testament account of Hannah. That woman left her child in the care of the Priest Eli. Now from the record of Eli, personally I don't think that was a good idea. The Word said that Eli's sons were a mess. And she left the ONE child she had cried and prayed for with this man that did such a bang up job with his own sons!

But she realised that all she could do was give him over to God and TRUST that he would do the rest. I think that that's all he expects. Fulfill your end of the command and if he's the God you claim he is, TRUST that he'll hold up his end.

Regina Belle - If I Could

TIRED

You ever get to the point where the words aren't enough? They say it takes more muscles to frown than to smile. Not true. When everything you do is not enough, and everything you do is commented on and criticized, it takes every inch of your body, mind and soul to wear that smile. When "I wish that she would used the intensity, she has for this; toward something else" is echoed in your ear, the frown is so much easier. But it's the God in me verses the one I see, that moves me!

I've always been the encourager. I'm the bubbly one. No questions about it, whenever you have a problem count on me. I know the verse that will lift you. But sometimes the words aren't there. I remember watching "The Seventh Sign" with Demi Moore, there was a line that said,

"But a day will come when the sparrow sings no more...

"...because there are only a finite number of souls in The Guf. "It`s when the last soul is used, and The Guf is empty, that the world will end.”

I think my soul is empty......I didn't think it was possible. But Lord knows I'm Tired. 

Until Next time......... I'm just tired.

Adorn themselves in modest apparel.........

I remember when my Godmother took me to get my ears pierced and my first haircut. Lord, that was a big deal. I don't think she'd gotten permission from my parents. But that's a whole 'nother story. That was the weekend that I went to my first concert. It was the weekend I knew without a doubt what I wanted to do with my life. Once again completely different story. But it was also the weekend that I realized that the world had a style all their own. And I needed to catch up.

Church style has evolved and I grew up in the era of past the knee skirts, a wedding ring and no make up. Where are you going painted like Jezebel? (Granted I've read that scripture and maybe I have the wrong version but it never gave me that impression). I remember before we evolved into a more attractive Christian, I actually heard a preacher site in his sermon to women that some of them needed really needed makeup so they should embrace the idea.

But as a PK the pressure to be age appropriately fashionable while being watched was always a challenge. I remember when we thought that the rules may have been relaxed and the girls started wearing jeans to Youth Meetings, an elderly woman from the neighborhood, that didn't even attend our church; raised such a hullabaloo that we were instructed from the pulpit on Sunday that we were to wear skirts from there on.

When I became Youth Minister, I decided I'd go toe to toe with anyone that told my kids what they can and can't wear. My church is in the inner city, I was just glad they came to church. I didn't have time to make the boys wear ties, or measure the girls skirts. Whenever they wore something that was more socially acceptable I would compliment their attire. Eventually, the boys stopped wearing jeans to Sunday services and started coming in ties, and the girls retired their party skirts and started looking like they were applying for bank jobs. I never told them to change their attire. I smile when I see them, because as a PK I learned to lead by example.

While I still get odd looks when I decide to wear a sleeveless dress at church, it's become a non issue for me. I'm not Muslim, I'm completely covered and I look good.

Ok, I'll put on a jacket.

A glad heart makes a cheerful face.....

Some of my most thought provoking moments have come from within the hallowed walls of the sanctuary. Take for instance when a female guest preacher was preaching what I now assume was a soul stirring sermon. (You'll see why I don't remember it in a minute.)

I was always attentive in church. It was how I was raised. Adults speaking, I paid attention. My mother would tell you from the age of five to adulthood she could probably count the amount of times that I fell asleep in church on her narrow little left hand and still have fingers left over. And in retrospect, I'm glad, because my church memories would have given me smiles on my cloudy days.

My age at the time that this happened is a blur, but the event shines like crystal in my mind. The female minister had gotten the crowd on their feet. They were behind her. They were receiving her message as from the Lord and then the strange and downright hilarious happened .....

HER WIG CAME OFF!

I wish I was kidding. Her wig flew off her head and onto the podium. I remember thinking, is someone gonna pick it up? No one moved. So there she was in her exposed stocking cap. And I don't mean the nice store bought stocking caps, she had a coffee colored stocking that she had deconstructed and now it looked like an over-sized condom on her scalp. Did she stop preaching?

NO!

That woman didn't even skip a beat. She kicked her glory to the side and kept delivering her message.

Honestly, I don't know why more people don't attend church.

Until next time ;-)

Neglect not the assembling of yourselves

I'm a people person, but even I have my limits. Sometime before my birthday one year I just decided I couldn't do all the public appearances. Because that's what they'd become. It wasn't uplifting anymore because I was tired. It wasn't edifying anymore because I felt unfulfilled. The only thing that got me through was praise and worship, and at some church services it felt calculated. I felt like I had started going through the motions. I didn't like that feeling. I tell you with all my heart I love Jesus. But church was starting to feel like work. Like I was doing something for payment verses serving because I loved service.

The problem was I couldn't say it to ANYONE. There was too much risk involved. What do I mean risk? Loss of respect. Disappointment. I told you we're expected to be the strong examples of the believer. Why do you think we're taught all those scriptures?

When we're afraid, we're expected to "Fear not" for he is with us. When we feel uneasy about the way life is turning out, know to, "let not your heart be, troubled. Ye believe also in me." The list goes on.

But i didn't feel in trouble or uneasy or any of those things. What I was feeling wasn't exactly in my memory bank.

I was tired of the routine.

Some trust in chariots, and some in horses....

I don't trust people.

Strong statement huh? It comes from years of witnessing and observing people with ulterior motives. Yes, I know everyone doesn't have a motive but in church it's hard to find someone that doesn't. People tend to attach themselves to people of influence. I see a lot of that in church. I remember a Pastor that I knew wanted his own ministry, I smile every time I see him because he looks real tired now that he has entered into his calling. I wonder if he ever thought it would be so difficult. I swear in the brief time that he has been Pastoring he's aged at least 15 years in his face alone. I can't imagine what the stress is doing to his mind and body. But it's what he wanted.

As he maneuvered through the popular circuit, placing himself in the right place at the right time. He said the right words, he had watched the right people and learned what was necessary to be the golden boy that people needed him to be and eventually he got his wish. The saying goes, "Be careful what you ask for you just might get it."

I think as PK's we see a lot of what's wrong with the world at large. In some ways we live overprotected, because we're submerged in church life for the most part. But within that culture, we see all that is twisted in the world. We see the movers and shakers. We see the insecure and needy. We see the social climbers. We watch through side eyes as if we're oblivious to the scheming and plotting, as if the manipulation and conniving is a part of the game.

And we question our integrity, because we've been taught to see, like we don't see.

I remember some people that had gotten together, they'd started having meetings at their house, trying to get support to get the board of elders to remove my Dad as Pastor. They had even convinced members that they claimed were disgruntled to come and disrupt the next board meeting. It fell through because their supporters never showed up. By the time all of this happened I had heard about it for about seven months. Austin, PK for 20 yrs, retired, Seattle