"....Some days I feel like ____, some days I wanna quit and just be normal for a bit....." Where'd You Go - Fort Minor
"Just tell them you are not interested in church or church work, that's all". I remember when I heard those words echo loudly through the ear piece of the phone. It ALMOST brought me to tears. Then I swallowed hard and said, "Well I'll tell him word for word what you said". I think I had had enough. I was over 21 and I didn't think that it was fair for someone to make me feel guilty for just needing to take a break.
I had almost finished with my book and still didn't have an introduction. They say the Lord works in mysterious ways. Somehow while I had a knot in my throat, he was working. I had found my introduction.
You ever do something so much that you begin to feel lost in it; like you just exist. It no longer excites you, where before you defended its very existence and reason, you begin to feel lethargic and like you're stuck in a rut?
Granted I still found worth in what I was doing. I was still quite "saved". Although I was beginning to have completely different views as to what that meant. But most of all I still loved Jesus and wanted to please him. I was just through with making everyone else happy at the expense of my personal happiness. I was done.
I don't think we value honesty in churchdom. After all we're the "Fake it, til you make" people.
Allow me to offer the truths that I felt:-
I honestly was tired
I honestly needed a break
I honestly didn't need someone telling me "You'll be fine"
I honestly wanted someone to hear me out
I honestly felt like running away
But maybe we don't want honesty......
So I guess I'll fake it.
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