Despite the solemn nature of church services and the time and preparation that goes into making sure everything gets done in decency and in order (note the churchism), something always happens to turn even the most proposed uplifting moments into a Saturday Night Live sketch.
Anyone remember in the old church when they had "testimony time"? Anyone that grew up in that church era has at least one interesting story that came out of those times. Churches don't do that anymore, you ever wonder why? Well allow me tell you why our church stopped doing it.
We often reserved our testimony times to the Sunday Evening service right before the sermon. For the most part, it was filled with "Thank the Lord for waking me up this morning", "Clothing me in my right mind", "He didn't have to do it; but he did", "He's a heart fixer, a mind regulator, doctor when I'm sick, comforter when I'm lonely" type testimonies.
Ha Ha Someone's nodding their head right now.
And every so often you'd get someone that would recount their entire day from sunrise to pillow time all just to say "God is Good, all the time and all the time God is Good".
But this one Sunday Evening, we heard the testimony to end ALL testimonies. My grandfather who was then the Bishop of our local assembly (I told you, I'm in this deep) always tried to encourage me to testify because it set a good example for the other young people. Like I'm gonna stand up and tell a room full of people that I don't know, my business.
But I digress.
If you've ever been in a traditional black church, the mothers of the church were the ones the younger women were expected to go to for advice and prayers. They usually got prime seating (first row). I think they all died out in the black church cause now all I see are divas. Again I digress.
One of the mothers got up that Sunday, and began her testimony. This is where my eidetic memory kicks in.
"Let the church say Praise the Lord. Church I want to thank you for your constant prayers for me. I want you know that the devil is busy. I said the devil is busy. This week, I think it was Monday or Tuesday, the devil tried to take my life. You all know I tend the children at the nursery, so I have to wake up early because some of the mothers have to be at work at 6 a.m. and I have to open up. Well this morning, whichever it was Monday or Tuesday; the Lord pitched me up out of a deep sleep and I looked at the clock beside the bed and it said 5:55. So I got up, I didn't want to wake my husband so I hurried to get dressed in the dark and headed to the bus stop. Waiting at the bus stop a young fella came to me and asked 'Mother, you alright, where you goin this early?' I told him how I have to open up he nursery. So he told me be safe. I waited a little longer because it look like the bus was running late and while I was standing there, I saw a black car pass me with no doors. The car passed me twice. I started to pray the 23rd Psalm. Because even if I walk through the valley of the shadow of death the Lord is with me, Amen? So finally the bus showed up and I got on. The bus driver said 'Mother, what you doing up so early?' I told him I had to open the nursery for 6:00 and he took so long that he made me late. Then the bus driver said, 'Mother, it isn't even 4 o'clock yet'. Saints when he said that, I know it was the devil that woke me up so early that morning because he wanted to take my life."
It was at that point that the snickering began in my pew.
Her husband got up immediately after her and began HIS "testimony". He of course bypassed the usual "Giving honor to God who is the head of my life" recitation. Instead he said, "Mother, I don't know how you could say the devil woke you up, because the angel of the Lord encamp around my bed. Stop talking foolishness" The snickers from my pew erupted into a full explosion of laughter, so much so that my sister fell out of the pew. Needless to say, testimony time was over for that evening.
No comments:
Post a Comment