Leave and Cleave: Time To End The Show

So I heard something that made me laugh myself to sleep last night. LITERALLY. A newlywed bride, said

"After three weeks of marriage it's been so hard, he is always there. I'm used to my own space, you know. Can someone tell me what to do? This is just hard."

I'm sorry I couldn't stop laughing. The groom on the other hand was describing it at three of the most blissful weeks in his life. I wondered

Are they living together?

I remember when I heard that the couple was getting hitched. I shook my head. He had some Little House on the Prairie, 1943 wife attend to my needs and mother me kind of views of marriage. She seemed flighty and childish. BUT.....

She had the the external properties that I had always heard him describe in a woman. He's a "rump" man and she's got one. Then she has that complexion that he's always described as nice. Whatever that means.

What was super funny to me is that before they got married SHE was the one that was always with the PDA and like a Siamese twin. I remember he got offended once when I asked if she had low iron. Hinting that she was obviously cold all the time and needed to be right under his arm. 

After three weeks, she's calling it hard. I could only laugh

I want to get married eventually but I'm seeing way to many people that are getting married like it's part of a Things To Do list.

• Education
• Job
• Marriage ✓

I just hope after three weeks I'm still in wedded BLISS.

The Quest To Be A Preacher's Wife

I admire women that can be preacher's wives. Bless your beautiful hearts. I remember an acquaintance told me that in a dream she saw that she was going to be the psalmist that prepared the church for her husband's preached word. Every guy she dated no matter how out of character he was she felt he would be that preacher even if she had to make him into that.

It takes a special kind of person to want to be a Pastor's wife. It's not the most rewarding job in the world. People take you for granted, they disregard your feelings and they act as if you should walk on egg shell around them. I'm not the coddling kind so I may not be the best candidate for the job. After being raised by small town preachers and inadvertently being exposed, for lack of a better term, to people and their issues. Ladies, you can have at it.

What amuses me though is the quest to become the Preacher's wife. For some it's just as highly sought as a college education. I've seen people push and pull, conspire and collaborate schemes to just capture the eye of even those deemed prospective pastors. I've seen women position themselves in church in an effort to make themselves appear more spiritual and I wonder if it's really worth it. I think it's sad really.

I think most of them see it as more of a status symbol than a calling. To be a preacher's wife requires a fortitude that doesn't come easy. It's an internal strength. Not to be taken lightly.

Some of them want to travel the world ..... Flight Attendants also travel the world.
Some of them want to dress up and profile .... Models also dress up and profile
Some of them want to be on the arm of a powerful man.... All arm candy get that "privilege"

Some of them want to sit in the front row... Honey the people in the back row have a better view.

Now isn't that special....

I'm Free

I've been in church all my life and I have yet to understand church people. Some of them are so focused on sending people to hell that I wonder if THEY'LL make it into heaven. In my church life I've met and known the most judgmental people on the planet and they do it in the name of Christianity. This is not to say that regular people aren't judgmental, but in trying to win souls for Christ are we doing more harm than good?

So much of what we burn people with, is based on doctrine and personal issues rather than the Word of God. I've seen people destroy loved ones, friends, people in general with their personal beliefs. The older I got and more in touch with my faith I got. And if a person decided to have a glass of wine with their meal it no longer bothered me. And it had less to do with Paul's "for the stomach sake" reference and more to do with the fact that if you teach the truth, the Bible itself says,

"Then said Jesus to those Jews which believed on him, If ye continue in my word, then are ye my disciples indeed; And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free." 

Therefore for the first time in my life, I'm free from people's opinions, I'm free from wondering if I'm good enough to make it into their version of heaven. I am free to worship.

Anyone want to join me in living FREE?

I am free to live life abundantly like Jesus said he came to give me.

ME? Marry A Pastor?

Years ago a lady came to our church and prophesied to my mother that I, YES I, would marry a Pastor. I fell to my knees and cried that day. After they managed to scrape me from the floor, my ear was filled with congratulations. I thought to myself are these people insane. Why would you congratulate me this was NOT good news. I swear now that I retell it, I find it hilarious. I was comforted a few weeks later by another visiting preacher who said, "God's spoken word can change, look at Hezekiah." I breathed a sigh of relief.

I sighed because, I really didn't think the just God that I had heard about all my life would be that sadistic and subject me to more church people. No, he's far too merciful for that. He loves me right? I know God has a since of humor, but come on. I hope you notice I'm trying to convince myself.

Most PK's would probably be fine with continuing the legacy of the Levitical ministry. I've said it once, I'll say it again. "Nope, I'm Good" (smiles)

I think about the many persons that people tried to set me up with their good minister friends or the guys that preached at their church. I smile at the offer and conveniently lose their number. We once had a interning Youth Pastor at our church that announced in a Bible study that the Lord had spoken to him and told him that he was gonna marry the Pastor's daughter. I looked at him and had to literally hold myself from laughing. He obviously meant some other church, some other pastor, some other daughter, because he didn't mean me.

At 24, this young man was a couple years younger than me, had previously been divorced, and couldn't keep up with me if I'd given him a road map and a head start.  Add to it, that he said he couldn't bring himself to sit at a table and eat.

Wait, What?

I'm the definition of a socialite. I've always been that way. The party begins and ends with me. Jesus would be proud. People call me after I don't attend events and ask me why I didn't show up. I love to cook and love catering personal functions. Obviously, this man was delusional. I'm sure he'd gotten his wires crossed on that one.

PK relationships are difficult. We live in the limelight so anyone that attaches themselves to us must carry that same responsibility. It's hard to make a decision based who you would want to spend the rest of your life with based on that idea alone.

Even though they say God can surprise you, I strongly doubt me marrying a pastor is the one he had in mind.

I remember my boyfriend had some sexual status on his Facebook page, and not only did my mother comment under it, but she came at me like I'd written it. 

Liz, PK for 6 yrs, Toronto

I feel her pain!!

Pimps In the Pulpit: Don't Get It Twisted

Pimps put themselves in a position to gain...it is not always sex or money. 

Most times people assume that the pimp's plan is get more money. The pimp's desire is power. It begins and ends with that one ideal. There was a hit song in the nineties called "Money, Power, Respect". While I don't fault people for wanting any of those things, I do take issue with blatant don't care abuse of power to achieve any or all of the three.

Enter the church pimp.

Now here is where I have to say it's not restricted to the pulpit. There are many pew pimps too. Remember what I said in another post about pulpit pimps, the hustler (pimp) doesn't restrict himself/herself to one title or position, all they see is the goal and will use manipulation to achieve it. The reason they're flashy is because they need to be seen in order to get the attention of those that they seek to coerce.

Many times people just see the exterior and assume that they've found the culprits. They assume the "clothes make the man" a pimp. Or the car he drives makes him one. Often times I hear people talking about how Pastors have these flashy cars and these mansions and that is what they attribute to pimpism (my word) but let's remember the root of the pimp.

Control.

I know personally of a Pastor, who had a car dealership owner in his congregation. Every ear without fail the dealership owner would give the Pastor the newest model on the car lot, despite much protesting from the Pastor. Those unfamiliar with the dynamics of the car dealer's insistence would have said that the Pastor was flashy and accuse him of some misdeeds. This Pastor protested with no avail and was the most humble man I've ever known. So it isn't about the exterior, it's about the character of the individual.

Before you look and accuse EVERY pastor of being a pimp, look act the actions and the personality. Believe me they're more obvious than you think. Control Freaks can't hide too long. When they lose control the get abusive.

What did we learn today?

PIMPS need control

Pimps In the Pulpit: How You Doing Pimpin'?

I have a former acquaintance that qualifies as a Pulpit Pimp. He is a master manipulator. He has always aspired to be on the pulpit. He once confessed to me that if he was to leave his pulpit, he'd sell insurance  (that sounds like a hustler) or go into law enforcement (gotta keep that pimp hand strong).

When I met this man. I looked up to him. He was a mover. And I thought he was an okay guy. The closer and longer I worked with him, the more I began to realize that he was a pimp.

I began to notice that he always pushed work onto other people saying that he was giving them a chance to shine when he was quite willing to receive the credit. We'd have meetings and he would come after the setting up, always making sure everything was "just right" for him. When things didn't go as planned he had no exit strategy because he was never part of the initial plan.

He was big on flash. Things had to have a certain look even though he wasn't financially able to maintain that look. He always had someone taking care of him. And always made it seem like he was helpless in order to have more people see to his needs. It was a something for nothing attitude that most pimps have.

Then there were his sweet words.I noticed that he had an answer for everything. Caught him in one or two lies, but he was good at worming out of situations. He also had a way about telling you what he thought you wanted to hear. If he felt that telling you something flattering would keep him in good standing he said it.

Then with women he played them well. He played up their enhancements, qualities, and insecurities. He encouraged at cost. If he wanted you to be his prayer worker. He made it seem like the only person that prayed better than you was Jesus himself. Come to think of it, he did that with everyone. Unfortunately as most found out after you had served his purpose or someone better came along, you were pushed aside or he moved on to his next great hustle. And you are left to pick up the pieces.

So what have we learned?

The Pimp knows how to work people...

Until next time.

Pimps In The Pulpit

Where do I begin?

Just kidding, I know where I want to start. I've long wondered if I was the only person that can see the problem of manipulation in the church. That was until I read that post about a radio show highlighting Pulpit Pimps. And the responses made me want to expand on what I think is the issue. The original question

My topic of next weeks show is pimp in the pulpit.. what is the characteristics of a pimp in the pulpit...

First let me tell you what my response was on the original thread.

A pimp (male or female) is simply a hustler. They are the master manipulators, those that know the right thing to say and when to say it. They are the users. Less concerned with your edification and more concerned with their elevation. They always want more without having to do much more than what they're doing now. And will achieve it by any means necessary. They have the ability to learn and adapt as needed. 

When it translates to the church setting we can see how dangerous it can be/ become.

Agreed?

A lot of people think that pimping is about sexuality. Nope. Pimping is about control. The method of control is just of a sexual nature. When you find someone with a pimp's nature that has the ear of a significant amount of people you with end up with a whole lot of hurt people. Enter your pulpit pimps.

One of the biggest falsehoods that I find people considering about the pulpit pimp is that they're going all to be flashy. That may be true, but that's external. I think most pulpit pimps have internal self esteem issues. They need to be in control. I think they also have anger issues. If they can't have the control they will retaliate.

There are more pulpit pimps than we'd like to admit to and this week I'm gonna show you how to recognize them.

Isaiah 56:11
King James Version (KJV) 

Yea, they are greedy dogs which can never have enough, and they are shepherds that cannot understand: they all look to their own way, every one for his gain, from his quarter.

The Story Will Be Told

A number of people have contacted me about how this story, OUR STORY, has changed their lives. And why I've stopped writing. Actually I haven't stopped writing our story but am in transition (overused church word). I have great news. Okay look at the picture. What do you see?

OUR STORY!!! 

I'm grateful for the opportunity to tell our version of events. Everyone has a story and it's time someone told ours.

There is so much going on. Above is the first cover edit. But we're getting it done.

In the following weeks I'll be updating you my faithful readers on where we are and how you can get a copy. So stay tuned and be blessed.

A Friend That Sticks Closer

Growing up, I had two friends. My brother and my sister. My sister and I were close, but because my brother and I were closer in age, we were closer. My brother is also musical, so we always shared that bond. But no matter what happens in our lives we've always had each other. I always tell people that family is important to me. I don't care how angry they make me, they are my heart and I'll do whatever I can to make them happy. Even if it means I go without. Yeah it's that serious.

I also have many acquaintances. It comes with the territory. I'm a PK. The whole church thinks you want to be friends with them. Not so much.

Truth is, if you're anything like I was growing up, I just wanted to get out of church and go home. I didn't want to talk with Sister Susie's daughter who's starting the same school in the fall. I didn't care to hear. I have just always wanted a real friend.

And the funny thing is...

I never found one.

Prequel: Pimps in the Pulpit

I was reading my Facebook timeline and came across a post that intrigued me

my topic for the show next week is PIMP IN THE PULPIT..what is the characteristics of a pimp in the pulpit...let me hear from you

I read through the responses and couldn't help putting my two cents in because I'm a Preacher's Kid, I know about pimps in the pulpit. It's an interesting phenomenon but it does exist. I told my mother the other day that the scripture that talks about those that will say to God "I preached in your name" makes sense now. It didn't when I was growing up.

Next week I've decided to dedicate the writings to the Church Pimp. I know you know a few of them but let's talk about them. Stay in touch for next week's story of ...

Failing Christianity

Before I begin allow me to make a grave disclaimer. The following arguments are of a personal nature. Everyone has an opinion, and everyone’s opinion though you may not feel valid at the time, has legitimacy. You may consider this to be one of those times. You may not agree, but it doesn't make any of it less true.

I was raised devout Pentecostal. As anyone familiar with old time religiosity would know, the Pentecostal Christian knew of Jesus and Church anything outside of those boundaries is considered Unchristian and hell bound. Now that I’m “all grown up” and well, reflective I have begun to wonder what took me so long to address something that has plagued me from my early teens. If I’m to abide in this “Christianity” that allows for a complete absence of living, I refuse to live that.

You see Christianity has failed and I have failed it.

I was talking to woman one day that doesn't wear earrings because even in this modern society, she has been taught that if she looks somewhat attractive she’d make Jesus angry. Yes, it almost would be laughable if it wasn't so sad. She attends one of those churches that preach the about the dangers of vanity and riches. So for the most part most of the people are poor, uneducated and beaten down so much that they don’t have spiritual strength to fight themselves out of a head cold; much less perform any of the “greater works” they read of in their Bibles.

When I look at these lemon-faced, unfulfilled people I wonder how they’ll manage in the indulgent heaven they that their current lifestyle provides fettered access to. Did I mention that many of them could use a toe head to “extreme makeover”?

It’s interesting how we in Western society, hold a duplicitous yardstick to our Eastern Hemisphere neighbors, denouncing many of them for their strict rules on religion. When for the most part, my take on what we have come to know as Christianity is the belief that by living an enjoyable life in any way you have ultimately entered an unstoppable spiral into hell. The same Eastern religions have a closer “connection” to their religion and the god of their choice and are enjoying the life that they've chosen.

I don’t swear. Really, I don’t. Not because of some religious rhetoric, because truth be told, the Christian world has yet to decide on what really constitutes a curse word. What qualified as a swear word as I was growing up is now a justifiable “slip of the tongue” or the simple excuse of “it’s in the Bible you want me to show you”. I don’t curse simply because I consider myself an intellectual and my vocabulary doesn't really allow for it. Don’t get me wrong, if someone deserves the labeling of a specific quadruped animal, and there is absolutely no other description; they get what they deserve. But my point is that Christianity even with its “clear cut” guidelines, has large pot holes.

So Christianity is failing. Don’t believe me. Do some research to find the growth of religion in let’s say the last decade. Find out which religions are growing by leaps and bounds and see how Christianity is lagging. Yet, like all other religions, mainstream Christianity claims to have a leg up on the competition. The argument is that “truth” will always have the most detractors and that it will prevail unscathed. I hate to believe that Christian elementalists really believe this, so I think it’s merely a smoke screen to distract from the real issues. Issue number one; Christianity is failing.

Contrary what some Eastern religions have considered a foundational benchmark; I have only one life. (Until someone can provide actual proof of the theory of reincarnation, it remains a theory in my mind.)

So, I personally think that I would have done both myself and my creator a disservice by not enjoying life. After all isn’t that what has been promised, abundant life? Then I think about this.

The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly. John 10:10

This Churchologist Christianity has done the opposite of what that scripture promotes. It produces failures of Christianity by stealing, killing and destroying life. A life that has been given for enjoyment has now become comatose and monotonous.

Ok, before you scream blasphemy; let’s not be misunderstood. I would never advocate the removal of the moral compass. There are some things that are just a common sense call. There are some things that are a fact of nature and shouldn't be done. There are some undeniable society no no’s. But when it’s all said and done the creation in homage to the creator must live the life that, if I remember correctly, encourages dominion over all things created. And with power comes enjoyment. God has final dominion over all things and with everything taught about the Godhead we are told that he enjoys the creation. I’m a God child. I believe in Christianity and the salvation of Jesus Christ to set a soul free, but I feel like this adopted Christianity has ultimately failed and I’m not solo in this.

We are all with our faults so I must confess that I have also failed Christianity. I have failed because every time I hear the “Electric Slide” or Chubby Checker’s “Twist” I’m going to dance. I get a failing grade at Christianity because whenever I’m invited to a party with a secular or a “church” friend; I’m going and I’ll leave feeling like I had a good time. I’ve failed because I think that R. Kelly, Usher Raymond, and Lauryn Hill are musical geniuses. My incomplete mark for a passing grade at Christianity will always exist simply because I love a broad shouldered man who although raised devout Catholic now flaunts the word “FREEDOM” etched across his lower back and I think “God, he’s beautiful”.

Because he too has failed Christianity, or maybe …..