The Story Will Be Told

A number of people have contacted me about how this story, OUR STORY, has changed their lives. And why I've stopped writing. Actually I haven't stopped writing our story but am in transition (overused church word). I have great news. Okay look at the picture. What do you see?

OUR STORY!!! 

I'm grateful for the opportunity to tell our version of events. Everyone has a story and it's time someone told ours.

There is so much going on. Above is the first cover edit. But we're getting it done.

In the following weeks I'll be updating you my faithful readers on where we are and how you can get a copy. So stay tuned and be blessed.

A Friend That Sticks Closer

Growing up, I had two friends. My brother and my sister. My sister and I were close, but because my brother and I were closer in age, we were closer. My brother is also musical, so we always shared that bond. But no matter what happens in our lives we've always had each other. I always tell people that family is important to me. I don't care how angry they make me, they are my heart and I'll do whatever I can to make them happy. Even if it means I go without. Yeah it's that serious.

I also have many acquaintances. It comes with the territory. I'm a PK. The whole church thinks you want to be friends with them. Not so much.

Truth is, if you're anything like I was growing up, I just wanted to get out of church and go home. I didn't want to talk with Sister Susie's daughter who's starting the same school in the fall. I didn't care to hear. I have just always wanted a real friend.

And the funny thing is...

I never found one.

Prequel: Pimps in the Pulpit

I was reading my Facebook timeline and came across a post that intrigued me

my topic for the show next week is PIMP IN THE PULPIT..what is the characteristics of a pimp in the pulpit...let me hear from you

I read through the responses and couldn't help putting my two cents in because I'm a Preacher's Kid, I know about pimps in the pulpit. It's an interesting phenomenon but it does exist. I told my mother the other day that the scripture that talks about those that will say to God "I preached in your name" makes sense now. It didn't when I was growing up.

Next week I've decided to dedicate the writings to the Church Pimp. I know you know a few of them but let's talk about them. Stay in touch for next week's story of ...

Failing Christianity

Before I begin allow me to make a grave disclaimer. The following arguments are of a personal nature. Everyone has an opinion, and everyone’s opinion though you may not feel valid at the time, has legitimacy. You may consider this to be one of those times. You may not agree, but it doesn't make any of it less true.

I was raised devout Pentecostal. As anyone familiar with old time religiosity would know, the Pentecostal Christian knew of Jesus and Church anything outside of those boundaries is considered Unchristian and hell bound. Now that I’m “all grown up” and well, reflective I have begun to wonder what took me so long to address something that has plagued me from my early teens. If I’m to abide in this “Christianity” that allows for a complete absence of living, I refuse to live that.

You see Christianity has failed and I have failed it.

I was talking to woman one day that doesn't wear earrings because even in this modern society, she has been taught that if she looks somewhat attractive she’d make Jesus angry. Yes, it almost would be laughable if it wasn't so sad. She attends one of those churches that preach the about the dangers of vanity and riches. So for the most part most of the people are poor, uneducated and beaten down so much that they don’t have spiritual strength to fight themselves out of a head cold; much less perform any of the “greater works” they read of in their Bibles.

When I look at these lemon-faced, unfulfilled people I wonder how they’ll manage in the indulgent heaven they that their current lifestyle provides fettered access to. Did I mention that many of them could use a toe head to “extreme makeover”?

It’s interesting how we in Western society, hold a duplicitous yardstick to our Eastern Hemisphere neighbors, denouncing many of them for their strict rules on religion. When for the most part, my take on what we have come to know as Christianity is the belief that by living an enjoyable life in any way you have ultimately entered an unstoppable spiral into hell. The same Eastern religions have a closer “connection” to their religion and the god of their choice and are enjoying the life that they've chosen.

I don’t swear. Really, I don’t. Not because of some religious rhetoric, because truth be told, the Christian world has yet to decide on what really constitutes a curse word. What qualified as a swear word as I was growing up is now a justifiable “slip of the tongue” or the simple excuse of “it’s in the Bible you want me to show you”. I don’t curse simply because I consider myself an intellectual and my vocabulary doesn't really allow for it. Don’t get me wrong, if someone deserves the labeling of a specific quadruped animal, and there is absolutely no other description; they get what they deserve. But my point is that Christianity even with its “clear cut” guidelines, has large pot holes.

So Christianity is failing. Don’t believe me. Do some research to find the growth of religion in let’s say the last decade. Find out which religions are growing by leaps and bounds and see how Christianity is lagging. Yet, like all other religions, mainstream Christianity claims to have a leg up on the competition. The argument is that “truth” will always have the most detractors and that it will prevail unscathed. I hate to believe that Christian elementalists really believe this, so I think it’s merely a smoke screen to distract from the real issues. Issue number one; Christianity is failing.

Contrary what some Eastern religions have considered a foundational benchmark; I have only one life. (Until someone can provide actual proof of the theory of reincarnation, it remains a theory in my mind.)

So, I personally think that I would have done both myself and my creator a disservice by not enjoying life. After all isn’t that what has been promised, abundant life? Then I think about this.

The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly. John 10:10

This Churchologist Christianity has done the opposite of what that scripture promotes. It produces failures of Christianity by stealing, killing and destroying life. A life that has been given for enjoyment has now become comatose and monotonous.

Ok, before you scream blasphemy; let’s not be misunderstood. I would never advocate the removal of the moral compass. There are some things that are just a common sense call. There are some things that are a fact of nature and shouldn't be done. There are some undeniable society no no’s. But when it’s all said and done the creation in homage to the creator must live the life that, if I remember correctly, encourages dominion over all things created. And with power comes enjoyment. God has final dominion over all things and with everything taught about the Godhead we are told that he enjoys the creation. I’m a God child. I believe in Christianity and the salvation of Jesus Christ to set a soul free, but I feel like this adopted Christianity has ultimately failed and I’m not solo in this.

We are all with our faults so I must confess that I have also failed Christianity. I have failed because every time I hear the “Electric Slide” or Chubby Checker’s “Twist” I’m going to dance. I get a failing grade at Christianity because whenever I’m invited to a party with a secular or a “church” friend; I’m going and I’ll leave feeling like I had a good time. I’ve failed because I think that R. Kelly, Usher Raymond, and Lauryn Hill are musical geniuses. My incomplete mark for a passing grade at Christianity will always exist simply because I love a broad shouldered man who although raised devout Catholic now flaunts the word “FREEDOM” etched across his lower back and I think “God, he’s beautiful”.

Because he too has failed Christianity, or maybe …..

LEAVE AND CLEAVE

I heard this song not to long ago. The song was perfect. No pun intended. I think I've said it before, music speaks to me LOUDLY. I can close my eyes and feel ease in the melody, rhythm and lyrics. I've come to think that being a PK has created a tolerant, nonjudgmental in me. I see people for who they are and not who created them to be. I remember talking to a young lady on the brink of divorce about her situation. My first words to her were, "I don't actually believe in divorce. I believe whom God has joined together....." I immediately saw her shut down. Her eyes and her head dipped low.

I smiled, then I continued, "But I also believe that there are couples that were never meant to be together in the bond of matrimony. In my mind they where never married to begin with. They had a ceremony, they had a rite of passage. They were never married. They just need the law to confirm that."

When the young woman heard me say I didn't believe in divorce, she once again felt trapped in a situation that needed resolution and absolution. But church didn't offer that. They gave her....

You need to stick it out.
There must have been something that made you get married to begin with.
You need to rekindle the flame
How is that gonna look?

I can't ever blanket situations. That's what my story has created. There are way too many variables in peoples lives. I can't condemn someone that has attempted suicide. As a matter of fact I understand them. There are times when the darkness feels stronger than the light. My heart goes out to teen moms, because someone failed them. And I can't tell someone don't get a divorce because their situation may just be beyond the stage of reconciliation, simply because they made a mistake.

So I come to "Leave and Cleave" and I wonder how many people left home to attach themselves to someone with all intentions of staying with that person forever and it just didn't work out.

You weren't ready
They weren't ready.

And now because of appearances you must CLEAVE.


Next
When Is It Time To LEAVE

Fake It Till You Make It

"....Some days I feel like ____, some days I wanna quit and just be normal for a bit....." Where'd You Go - Fort Minor

"Just tell them you are not interested in church or church work, that's all". I remember when I heard those words echo loudly through the ear piece of the phone. It ALMOST brought me to tears. Then I swallowed hard and said, "Well I'll tell him word for word what you said". I think I had had enough. I was over 21 and I didn't think that it was fair for someone to make me feel guilty for just needing to take a break.

I had almost finished with my book and still didn't have an introduction. They say the Lord works in mysterious ways. Somehow while I had a knot in my throat, he was working. I had found my introduction.

You ever do something so much that you begin to feel lost in it; like you just exist. It no longer excites you, where before you defended its very existence and reason, you begin to feel lethargic and like you're stuck in a rut?

Granted I still found worth in what I was doing. I was still quite "saved". Although I was beginning to have completely different views as to what that meant. But most of all I still loved Jesus and wanted to please him. I was just through with making everyone else happy at the expense of my personal happiness. I was done.

I don't think we value honesty in churchdom. After all we're the "Fake it, til you make" people.

Allow me to offer the truths that I felt:-

I honestly was tired
I honestly needed a break
I honestly didn't need someone telling me "You'll be fine"
I honestly wanted someone to hear me out
I honestly felt like running away
But maybe we don't want honesty......

So I guess I'll fake it.

The Baby Leaped In Her Womb

For the first time in a long time, I felt my baby move. And not just move; it was an actual kick. Any of you remember when you first realized that you were ”carrying” and can identify with every emotion that the territory comes with. There’s an unparalleled excitement. You want to share your good news with everyone, because you can’t imagine anyone not being as excited or happy as you. Sooner or later when everyone starts giving their advice on your baby, you begin to share less and keep your mind on your due date. But what happens when you don’t feel what you know is normal in your condition? You feel time has stopped, you’re overdue and your baby isn’t moving. Then you begin to worry about the fulfillment of what was conceived so long ago. You worry and you fear that there may be something wrong with your baby. And when a period of time passes and nothing happens your biggest fear is that your baby might be dead.

No, I’m not pregnant. But I’m still carrying a dream that I’ve long had. I didn’t want an aborted dream. But I was so afraid that that was happening.

At first I thought my dream was stillborn, but came to realize that there was a big difference between an aborted dream and a stillborn dream. If my dreams ended up being ”stillborn”, it was because there was nothing I could do about it. It was too much for me to carry or even handle. It just couldn’t sustain itself and it wasn’t ready for the outside world. A lot of people have stillborn dreams and I honestly thought that was my case. But it wasn’t so, my dreams were being aborted. And it was because either I or someone I’d given opportunity to had purposely and forcibly began to destroyed my dream.

I think what was happening was, I was willfully letting someone give me an abortion. It was someone that didn’t understand. They didn’t know or didn’t care how long I’d been wanting and longing for the manifestation of what I’d conceived. They weren’t there through the tears of conception, when I cried out ”I need more”. They weren’t there when I sat on the edge of a bed asking if there was something wrong with me. They didn’t know that I questioned my ability to conceive, let alone give birth. And gradually I allowed them to kill my baby.

From the time I conceived, I was excited. It took a while before I realized everyone didn’t understand my conception, nor did they share in my excitement. Maybe it’s because what people don’t understand they seek to discredit. I don’t know if it was merely anxiety, but even people that I expected support from, didn’t show any. I think that was why I partly forgot that there was something on the inside of me that needed nurturing for it to be healthy enough to grow and be born, free of defects and deficiencies.

I stopped feeding the dream. I stopped seeking advice on how to keep it alive and healthy. I had heard so much negativity about my conception and subsequent pregnancy. I had heard so much talk of ”what are the possibilities of you accomplishing that?” and ”Do you know how hard that is?” that they convinced me that my dream was too much of an undertaking. I began to think that I didn’t want my baby.

I continued month after month with a dying baby. I stopped even listening when encouragement came saying, ”You’re almost at your due date.” simply because I had fostered so much negativity. I began to tell my dream, ”you’re too much for me”, ”we’d both be better off if I let you go”. This is why I knew it wasn’t a stillborn. With the stillborn dream there comes a peace, because you’ve done all you can.

That aborted dream is the one that kills you, because YOU gave up, not the dream. As I lay back with an inexperienced, uneducated, misguided, back alley dream killer; inside me, a baby struggled to survive, because it wanted to live. And I felt a kick. See as I lay there, with my heart breaking because I didn’t want my dream to die. Someone came by and said to me,

”You are a unique woman, don’t be afraid because what you carry in you greater than you could ever imagine and will be born.” ”HOLD ON, Ali, HOLD ON!”

And my baby kicked!

That was a few days ago and it’s been kicking ever since.
Now every day, when get up, I rise with a completely different outlook and a burning to make this happen and see this to the end. I rise knowing that I’m just that much closer to my due date and I WILL DELIVER a healthy dream!

So maybe I’m saying this for you…. If you pay close attention, and stop ignoring it, you may feel your (dream) baby kick too!